Good news, everybody: There’s a house on the market we can snatch up for little-to-enormous cost (I won’t say which). Tell you what. I’ll put up a PayPal button so you can donate to the cause. If we reach the half-million dollars it costs, I’ll move my family into the house and let you know how great it is.
Want to know what it is? Ernest Hemingway’s childhood home! Don’t worry, my brother Dave, an insurance underwriter, already pledged the down payment from his next ridiculous paycheck. We’re well on our way. Chip in everyone, so my family can live in a large house inhabited by a tortured soul. Cheers!